


Poetry from a Disturbed Mind.

by opkil



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 16:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2197959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opkil/pseuds/opkil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title says it all. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Her Wings

**Her Wings**

Shimmering against the night sky,

Each Feather sparkles and twinkles,

Against the Darkness of the Night.

 

She flies, each beat of her wings,

Propelling her, further and higher.

She sees the whole world in her eyes.

 

Where is she going? 

What is her purpose?

Who is she, even?

 

She never replies, silent and brooding.

Her past a secret.

Her tears hidden.

 

She smiles with deep sorrow.

She knows her Purpose.

She knows Why.

 

She nods, and travels on.

Her silence was irrelevant.

Until the end of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as a reference to both 'Death' from the Sandman series, and to Faye, a close friend of mine. I guess that this poem was a way to express how I'd imagine her to watch over her friends even in death. Which is odd, considering my own atheistic views on life and death.
> 
> Consider it a tribute to her, in a way. The Deathless Angel, watching over no matter how jaded she gets.


	2. No Need

**No Need.**

 

No need to bother,

I'm a grown man.

I'm just in need of a stiff drink, 

or perhaps something stronger.

 

No need to pity.

I'm just a lost man,

Unsure or unable to carry on,

Into the great yonder ahead.

 

No need to care, 

I'm not a priority or a necessity.

No point stopping your life,

To wait for mine to start again.

 

No need to ask,

I'm not okay.

I don't need a hug, not now.

Let me Stew and Bubble.

 

No need to touch,

I'm not there.

I don't need your hugs.

I have my boundaries.

 

No need to ponder,

Even the wounded lion in a corner,

Has a semblance left,

Of what pride it used to Have.

 

_Originally written 3rd of March 2014._


	3. Wander

**Wander**

Past the darkest nights,

And the treacherous winds,

He continues his course.

 

His eyes tell the story,

Of a broken down adventurer.

His expedition never-ending.

 

Never stopping, or resting.

Merely brief sojourns at port.

From the Americas to Asia.

 

His ship, a safe place to be.

For him alone,

and for no one else.

 

Alone at sea,

His need for companionship, 

He never accepted.

  
Battered and Bruised,

He continues his journey.

To Nowhere, and Everywhere.

 

_Originally Written 12th March 2014_


	4. Friends are like potatoes.

** Friends are like potatoes **

Potatoes, starchy and soft.

Baked, boiled or fried,

Delicious in any way,

Comforting and filled with niceness.

 

Friends, friendly and loving.

Close, distant or surface.

Heartwarming in any way,

Filling and comforting with niceness.

 

Enjoyed in groups,

Warm to the insides,

Or capable of making you drunk!

With happiness and inebriation!

 

Comforting and very simply salted.

Complementing a beautiful meal.

Or a simple day at the beach!

Both filling and enriching.

 

Because at the end of the day,

Potatoes and friends just roll along,

Absorbing all flavours and seasons.

Leaving a nice sweet after-taste.

 

_Originally written 14th March 2014_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one, I'd admit, came to me from a quote on reddit.
> 
> "Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die."
> 
> I found it freakin' hilarious, so I wrote something to cheer a friend up.


	5. Destiny

**Destiny**

I never believed in a world where everything should happen 'as it should'.

Everything happens for a reason,

But I know that sometimes, the reason is simply not easy to understand.


	6. Poison

** Poison **

Why do you love me, 

A wretched imitation of life,

A sad dirge?

 

Perhaps it's a sick irony,

That one so bright and full of life,

Would stick with the decay.


	7. Just Dinner

** Just Dinner! **

It really means nothing,

Getting her talking,

Over a nice steak and drinks.

 

There isn't much meaning,

An evening meal is merely that,

Nothing really intimate.

 

Whoever was it that decided,

A shared display of inebriation and satiation,

Was connection to an attraction?

 

I'd like to shake their hand,

With my own trembling one.

They were SPOT-ON!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather tongue-in-cheek one I wrote about dating. Or asking someone out for dinner.


	8. Alone in a Diner.

**Alone in a Diner.**

No stigma, or judgment to be had.

In the middle of the night,

Or the morning bustle.

 

All sorts come in!

To get a cup of joe, or a hot meal.

Nothing better than the afternoon hustle.

 

Come out the cold, come on in!

It's warm in here.

So wipe those tears!

 

We'll bring you that sundae,

And leave you be.

You're not alone, when you're here with me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another one I wrote when I was thinking about social conventions linked to eating alone.


	9. Disconnect

**Disconnect**

Leave me alone,

I'll be locked up in my room.

Not trapped or kidnapped,

Just trying to take a long nap.

Trying to write a book.

Meditating and clearing the mind.

 

No, no, nothing's the matter.

I just need to be alone.

I'm not dying, not today.

Really, I'm just in need of no one.

Disconnect the internet, I won't be needing it.

 

I'll be staring at my typewriter,

or turning on the Nintendo.

I'll be watching TV,

Or escaping from the outside.

Just leave me be! I'll be perfectly fine.

I plan, really, on doing nothing.


	10. The Moon's Rabbits.

**The Moon's Rabbits**

I like to think that you're there.

On the moon, being a fairytale.

Like Chang Er and her lost love.

 

Like Wu Gang and his eternity,

Damned to an endless wondrous sky.

Like the Jade Rabbit and his elixirs for everything.

 

The Jade Rabbit could bring you,

Back to earth.

Restore you to where you belong.

 

Heal all your woes,

Maybe even reverse time.

Perhaps change the present.

 

Such a sad and tragic destiny,

Yet a fitting end, for the boundless wanderer.

Nothing but the cosmos to listen to you.

 

Perhaps it's an impossibility,

Yet I never stop wishing,

For your peaceful and undisturbed rest.


	11. Anywhere but Here.

**Anywhere but Here.**

I'm going to get onto a plane,

A bus,

Boat or a train.

  
Ask the Staff for a tickey away,

Somewhere that way,

This way?

Anywhere.

 

'I don't understand, sir!' They'd say.

I'll just tell them again,

Some place far from here.

I want an adventure.

 

I want an escape from here!

Bring me to Egypt, to Thailand,

To the Himalayas,

Or the Americas!

 

I want to be someplace,

Any place at all,

Nowhere near!

Anywhere, really! But here!


	12. Alive

**Alive**

Taking a train ride to nowhere,

Drinking a beer atop a tall building,

Looking out at the world.

What a good day to be had!

 

Running madly into the unknown,

With nothing but an umbrella for protection,

Exploring and discovering weird corners,

A brilliant feeling to know!

 

Drinking shots with friends,

Braving the dangers of a shady bar,

Taking a long piss while drunk.

A night most unforgettable!

 

Yet the peace and serenity,

Of lying down on the grass,

With a love by your side.

Both exhausted, looking at the stars.

 

What a night to be alive.


	13. Music

**Music**

Feel the beat of the music,

Thumping away at your ear drums.

Feel the rhythm in your heart.

Your very soul.

 

Hear the chords of the guitar,

Each note like an arrow to the heart,

The guitarist stringing together countless notes,

Forming a beautiful chorus.

 

Listen to the lyrics,

The words that sound so sweet,

Feel the power over your emotions,

A sacred connection to your soul.

  
Fall in love with the sweet serenade,

Remember days gone by with a mournful dirge.

Let it take away all your pain and sorrow,

Relieve and soothe old wounds.

 

It's okay to jump around, or tear up!

That's just the music!

Close your eyes,

They don't matter anymore.


	14. Closure

**Closure**

Something that my life lacks,

Is a sense of closure,

To events long gone.

 

The worst thing I know,

is to be dedicated to something,

And never having a proper ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly?
> 
> I wrote this about Mass Effect 3's shoddy ending. Not even kidding.


	15. Goodbye

**Goodbye**

The hardest words I know,

Especially saying them to you.

I remember never saying them.

 

If I didn't vocalise,

I could deny the words a little longer.

And pretend that this time was really not the last.


	16. The End

**The End**

I love conclusions,

No matter how bad or good,

Each epilogue,

A chapter of the book shut.

 

The problem usually lies,

In coping with the finale.

Especially to a beautiful tale.

 

Such a tragic fact!

That every prologue has an end.

 

Even the best things have a finish.


	17. Train.

**Train**

I wonder if, it was destiny.

Every time I see you, my life changes.

For the good, or bad.

I would see your bespectacled face.

 

Your presence. 

You would be everywhere, yet nowhere.

Hiding and moving fast,

Ever omnipresent.

 

Perhaps you are a mystery,

or an Enigma.

A personal legend,

Or a private myth.

 

On the train, you would be busy,

Reading a book, or your notes.

A stranger I would never know,

A friend I have yet to make.

 

How your smile hid the truth.

A scary one to note.

Your face ever familiar.

Your form ever changing.

 

Yet your arrival was intended,

And your presence expected.

Our journey continues, 

And you are reading.

 

Your hair, plaited up neatly,

Nails kept well groomed,

A smile brighter than daylight,

As your check off your list.

 

I chuckle to myself as well,

My eyes returning to the outside.

I know that I am being a fool,

To believe an old superstition.

 

The Train comes to a stop,

The door opens swiftly,

I take a step out, as people rush in.

And reality flows back out.


	18. Shuffle

**Shuffle**

You can't change the cards of life,

You play with what you're dealt with.

No mulligans allowed.

 

Please then, dealer.

Shuffle them good,

So I won't have to use the ace up my sleeve.


	19. Jaded

**Jaded**

I miss the romance,

Of seeing things,

Through rose-tinted glasses.

 

Was it your hand?

That removed the glint?

Of the tint so green?

 

I've been seeing things,

In an emerald hue,

Until you.


	20. Stay// Go

**Stay**

**Go**

Please stay, for a little more.

Before you leave me be.

Perhaps it's cruel to ask,

When you are at Death's Door.

I'm begging you, I want you here.

I know you cannot stay.

So, hold me.

Even if it's the last, hold me.

I want to remember.

Make it last.

Your warmth, make it stay forever.

Let me form an indelible memory.


	21. Calm

**Calm**

Oh smile, you poor misguided fool!

There isn't much you can really do.

So smile with what's happening!

 

No, I'm not attempting to rhyme.

I'm just trying to calm you down.

And make you smile this time.

 

Just shut up and hold my hand.

Let the events play out.

He's just growing up.

 

Take the time, and smell the roses!

They're coming out nice.

Hug me, and smile.


	22. Label

**Label**

I love you. It's as simple as that.

No, don't try to label it.

You are a person I love.

 

Regardless of gender, or orientation.

You are a person I've come to adore.

Almost in the absolute.

 

I don't care if it's 'gay'.

Or if it's 'weird'.

You are someone I care deeply for.

 

Shouldn't that be what the world be?

To love freely, and peacefully.

To just simply  _CARE_ about one another.

 

We don't need a bloody label.

All I know is I want you in my arms.

I want to hold you tight while the world explodes.

 

 _FUCK_ what everyone else says.

Let them say what they want.

I'll just be happy with your hand in mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This...would prolly ruffle some feathers. I don't honestly give a shit though. If it hasn't been evident in my attitudes over the past 3-4 years, I'm a supporter of love in every form. Though, people want to separate and divide that love. Which perplexes me to no end. 
> 
> It doesn't matter to me if someone's gay. I'll prolly do a double-take and go 'I didn't know you were gay, brah', and not make anything of it. I am happy to state that attitudes in my homeland of Singapore, however, have changed over time. Nowadays, the aunties/uncles on the street just look the other way rather than confront it, be it in a negative/positive way. Is it an improvement? I daresay that it is, however slight.
> 
> After-all, if I'm free to love girls. What's stopping a brother from loving a guy? Or a transexual individual?  
> (It's clear how much Deborah has influenced me into not adopting the word 'tranny' in my vocabulary. Lesson of the day: 'tranny' is considered a derogatory term. )
> 
> So, this poem is to my close friends who've identified their sexuality, and have to deal with labels in their everyday life. Don't let the labels bog you down. :)


	23. Smoke//Mirrors

**Smoke**

**Mirrors**

You hide in the fog.

In the reflections,

I reach out.

Your face, nothing but reflection.

Your form nothing but smoke.

Why won't you stay?

Stop with the incorporeality.

Stop hiding!

We need to find the answers.

Don't lie to me anymore.

Please?


	24. Things.

**Something**

Something.

Something.

Everything.

Nothing.  
Nothing.  
Nothing.


	25. Question//Answer

**Question**

**Answer**

1+1 is ____.

You.

I love ____.

2

You mean the _____ to me.

Leave

Don't ____ me.

World.

 


	26. People like us.

** People like us. **

We take what we get.

In the people who care.

Or the love that they give.

 

For us sinners, the 'bad guys'.

We don't deserve the love we want.

Our self-loathing, too much.

 

We don't get to choose or to 'fall' in love again.

No, oh no, we don't get the luxury.

We are the damaged, the luggage.

 

The second-hand goods. The leftovers of our own mistakes.

The remnants of a heart fragmented, the result of broken hearts

We don't believe anymore.

 

Yet, waiting for the day,

Someone says to us, in soft tones.

"You're broken, but I'd like to fix you."

 

Waiting for someone willing to try.

You see, people like us, my dear,

We take what we get. 


	27. My Own

**M** **y** **Own**

I am in a prison.

The bars are cold.

The door is locked.

 

I will not let them win.

 _My_ life is my own.

You shall not possess it.

 

I had no choice.

No say at all.

 _This_ however, is mine.

 

> Consider it my defiance.
> 
> You will _not_ have me.
> 
> I’d rather take it in my own hands.


	28. Untitled

**Endless Wonder**

For everything unquantifiable,

There's something equally tangible to explain.

 

There's bound to be happiness behind every curtain,

If we dare look behind it.

 

Take a chance, 

Throw away your inhibitions.

 

They're all useless in this world,

Where Endless Wonder awaits, m'dear.


	29. Beauty

**Beauty**

She saw nothing but a flawed face in the mirror,

But I saw something far prettier.

 

Yet 'pretty' wouldn't quite cut it.

Such a childish word for a concept so mature.

 

No, in her I saw something sultry and seductive.

Like the scent of belladonna, deadly.

 

I saw in her more than she does in the mirror,

A complex beauty I cannot hope to fathom.

 

Yet for it, I yearn.


	30. Fire

> **Fire**
> 
> "You remind me of a fire," you said.
> 
> "How so?" I asked. 
> 
> "There's a warm flame within you,"
> 
> "So?"
> 
> I laughed, as I grit my teeth. My heart still bare, the wounds still fresh.  
> You were silent. My hollow laugh echoed the room.
> 
> "Except that, you're more of a blaze. Fiery and all-consuming."
> 
> "And I guess that's what you're getting away from. The fires?"
> 
> "Yeah. You'd destroy me."


	31. Disparity

**Disparity**

A friend drew me, as I modelled for her.

I thought that I was an odd choice of something to be drawn,

but I obliged.

 

Her paintbrush finished the final strokes, as I cramped up.

She smiled from behind her easel, and invited me to see.

I relaxed, and loosened my muscles as I walked toward her.

 

The person in the painting was unwrinkled. His smile, radiant.

It was...a flawed depiction. The colours were much too bright.

Was it your way of 'artistry' at work, I asked.

 

She laughed at the thought, and shook her head.

She drew me as she knew me, and how she saw me.

How she has loved me as a friend over the years.

 

She drew me using my presence as a reference.

Her memories as her palette,

And her hands as a means of communication.

  
My tears flowed freely, as I hugged her tight.

She was puzzled and honestly quite befuddled, but she hugged me.

I was simply happy someone still saw me that way.


	32. Settle

> **Settle**
> 
> "It's time for you to settle down, marry and have kids, old friend."
> 
> I laugh in your face, not intended to be rude. You are my nearest, dearest friend.
> 
> I apologise for such a gesture.
> 
> I laughed not at the notion of settling down. I laughed at the notion that  _I_ could ever  _HOPE_ for such security and certainty in my life.
> 
> So no, it isn't time for me to settle down, marry and have children.
> 
> Not when I'm so busy wandering.


	33. Distance

**Distance**

I miss you right now.

I know that you are with me.

We'll skype tonight.

 

I hug my pillow tight,

Thinking and hoping it were you.

Your scent on it fading fast.

 

I am faithful to you,

Though I miss the tangible.

I just really want to kiss you again.

 

I want to hold you tight,

and whisper into your ear.

I want to say the sweetest words.

 

I will wait.

Even if it takes forever.

Then I shall wait.

 

Until then, I kiss my screen.

Hoping that distance doesn't stop us.

Praying that you won't forget I love you.


	34. Meetings

**Meetings**

I freshed up my drink,

As I introduced myself around the table.

Electronic Music blaring throughout the hotel suite.

 

We make introductions,

Each of us shouting to be heard.

More truths coming out, as inhibitions lower.

 

We moved to the bathroom, the group of us.

A spacious one, and also the only quiet place in the suite.

We each drank and talked.

 

Our past demons,

The aspirations each of us had.

Experiences that we felt safe sharing.

 

We started the night strangers,

But I think that there was something about our meeting.

Perhaps we will meet again!

 

Even if we didn't,

I treasure that I met that group.

There was an energy that was good.

 

It was amazing to be understood,

And admit to my deviancy to the norm.

I am glad to have met them.


	35. Out of Reach

**Out of Reach**

I've always gotten what I wanted,

When I needed, when I desired.

If something stood in my way, I fought.

 

When something seemed unattainable,

I went out of my way to get it.

My spirit unbreakable.

 

Any urge or craving,

Any hunger or lust,

They were my guides.

 

The Laws of Physics were mere  _guidelines_.

The wall of metal and carbon simply aluminium foil.

Nothing would be imposition. 

 

I never truly understood the idea of not winning.

Or not getting what I wanted.

Or not being able to hold something.

 

Until the day we spoke.

And I realised that for once. Just once.

Something was out of my grasp.


	36. Sear

**Sear**

The blaze is too hot.

Perfectly, positively dangerous.

This searing white pain.

 

I need to go through the flames.

The fire will define me.

Let it do so, oh let it scar.

 

I know that this time, 

I will be safe.

There's a salve waiting.


	37. Notice.

**Notice**

What we once were,

Now lie in the char.

 

What we used to be,

Now scattered in the ashes.

 

What I am now,

Barely worth attention.


	38. Guilt

**Guilt**

It's trickling in my mind.

Hiding away, 

Stalking me from the shadows.

 

The greatest foe.

Yet the most motivating ally.

A guide from the past.

 

A stone thrown from the past.

A warning.

"Don't fuck this up."


	39. Stop

**Stop**

No, it won't get  _BETTER!_

Stop saying it will.

You're the insane one.

 

No one would  _fucking miss me._

Stop hugging me, no, stop!

No,  _stop_ making me feel better!

 

I love you too.

No one would miss me.

(Except for you.)


	40. Force

**Force**

I have to try.

Even in the most hopeless,

Darkest.

 

Keep moving.

I have to.

No Choice.

 

Suffocating.

Need to keep on.

I have to.


	41. Move!

**Move!**

This one's for the trodden.

The lost souls, who have no direction.

The dangerously savvy, but hopelessly sightless.

We've gotta  _move!_

Keep moving. 

Don't stop now.

We'll find a rest point eventually.

For now, we've gotta push on.

We need to find the passion for exploring.

Before we're allowed even a moment's reprieve.


	42. Untitled 1

**Untitled 1**

Under the stars, my arm around you.

Holding you.

The start of my sufferings?

 

No, the normalcy I will remember when everything comes to past.

What I strive to regain.

No, this memory isn't the marker.

 

This sweet dream is a reminder.

"I love you," her whisper lives with me.

All I remember is that.


	43. Devil

**Devil**

For all the virtue I attempt to portray.

Everything good that I apparently do,

And all the self-control I have.

 

Gimme a good stiff drink,

You might have a chance of a glimpse.

Maybe I'd trust you.

 

After-all, what better way to know someone,

Who has seen my liberated form,

And heard my truth?


	44. Entranced

**Entranced**

You lit the fires in my being,

You sashay into the bar,

Glasses accentuate.

You hypnotised me, I didn't know how.

Your smile. I went to talk to you.

You laughed and giggled.

I knew from that point on,

The walls I built for myself,

They were no more,

They were breached by you.


	45. Dawn//Dusk

**Dawn//Dusk**

The day is upon us.

The night has arrived.

The blooming flowers cradle the daylight.

The wiltrd stalks of trampled flowers remain unseen.

Such is the promise of a new day,

A reminder of our own frailty, out mortality.

A day filled with the potential for anything.

Yet some of us are merely pushing onward.

Hoping that after daybreak,

In this cruel darkness that looms.

We can be new.


	46. Don't.

** Don't **

Don't go now.

I love you.

After all that.

Please don't.

You and I,

We're forever.

Don't.

No. No. No.

I'll fight on.

If only for you.


End file.
